21 thoughts every girl has when a guy goes down on her

We’re breaking some horrendous over-sharing boundaries by writing this, but whatcha gonna do? Us girls got to stick together.

Here’s what we’re thinking when he’s getting to work down there…

 

1. Oh right OK, no build up, you’re just going to lunge straight in.

2. WHEN DID I LAST HAVE A SHOWER?! What if I smell?

3. And I bet I’ve definitely got a stray bum pube I missed with the razor last night, FFS.

4. What if he thinks my ingrown hairs are genital warts?

5. Relax. Concentrate. Relax. Concentrate. Relax. Concentrate.

6. Hang on, is that a water mark on the ceiling? Is there a leak? OMG there must be a leak. We must definitely call a plumber.

7. No wait, remember what you’re doing, enjoy this, it only happens pretty much NEVER.

8. I wonder if this is what a dog’s water bowl feels like?

9. OK, why does he think a casual finger pumping pairs well with gentle tongue action?

10. And now he’s pressing me like a panic button. Dear lord make him stop.

11. Should I give his head a little reassuring stroke for encouragement?

12. OH HELLO. WHAT IN THE SWEET NAME WAS THAT MOVE?!

13. I’m so glad I’m not a squirter. Imagine if he had some odd bodily fluid come shooting towards his face.

14. Oh wait.

15. He’s poking his tongue suspiciously near by bum. Am I OK with that? I’m going to go with no.

16. Oh OK, we’re all good. He’s back to rubbing me as if he’s sand-papering a wall.

17. I’m definitely going to have to give him a blow job after this aren’t I?

18. I wish he’d stop stroking my thigh stretch marks, they’re not baby kittens.

19. I *think* I just felt an orgasm brewing, EXTRA CONCENTRATE MORE THAN YOU DO FOR THE X FACTOR LIVE SHOWS. YOU CAN DO THIS.

20. I hope he doesn’t expect a kiss after this.

21. Oh, he’s puckered up and lunging at me. Good.

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Posted on September 15, 2014, in Entertainment. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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